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              Concerns vs Complaining

Philippians 2: 14  Do all things without murmurings and disputing;

It was hard to do this topic for a couple of reasons. My quote when referring to complainers is quite simple. When put in a sports context I used to say, "Parents parent, Coaches coach, Players play and Bitches bitch. Don't be a Bitch, be a Player. The b-word is actually in Webster's and is synonymous with complaining. I have become increasingly more uncomfortable with the term because some folks young and old want to apply it in a disrespectful reference to women. As a younger coach the phrase was used as a poignant way to voice my displeasure about everything players could imagine to murmur about. It was probably insensitive and border-line inappropriate, but my God, they got the point.

As a Player it was very easy to point the finger at someone else when things get a little rough. A little pressure or that gorilla on your back called fatigue will bring out the B....... (murmuring) in an athlete very quickly. Concentrate - be a Player and just play. When a teammate makes a mistake at a crucial time pick him/her up and keep playing. You are taken out of the contest for whatever reason and look out, here comes the B.......(murmuring). Be quiet, get your instruction, and when you return be a Player and just play.

Murmuring's ugly cousin is disputing or arguing. Disputes among teammates during a contest is almost always fatal. If an opponent senses the slightest dispute between players on the rival team, it only fuels the notion that there is a crack in the opposing team and they have gained a sizable advantage. Disputes between parents and coaches, which are handled in public or merely handled badly, often makes for a extremely tough situation for the player. The last situation brings to light the second reason why this was a tough topic. Parents, players and coaches who want to b..... (murmur and dispute) at officials, referees and umpires.

There was a time in my twenty-five or so years of coaching that I believed there was a time and place for well placed complaints to an official or referee. It was a technique used by some older, more experienced coaches to plant seeds of inadequacy. When the person or persons calling the game began to doubt their ability or fairness, they would almost always follow up a disputed call with what coaches called "the make-up call". This would always favor the coach who has just been b.......(murmuring). I very quickly became very good at this technique. There are certainly several Ohio High School Athletic Association referees and officials from our Southwestern District who at some time or another thought of me as a b....(murmurer). Disputing calls and looking for that "make-up call" in a crucial, clutch situation not only went against one of my favorite sayings, but against a very clear directive from God. Those are the two reasons that this particular topic hits so close to home. The term "bitch", when misused is very insensitive and highly disrespectful. I would like to apologize to any person, male or female, past or present, who feels the benefit of using the term in my instruction does not outweigh the offensive nature of the word. Secondly, my personal choice to disregard the plain and simple point of the scripture only leads to a compromise in" doing all things without complaining". That's not doing some things, that's not doing most things and it's definitely not doing all things except the things that might benefit the person later. Lastly, don't misunderstand the difference between a perfectly normal question or concern about a situation and being a complainer. Those are two totally different circumstances. We all know the complainer we're talking about when we see or hear them. Don't hold in your concerns or disagreements in an attempt to be without murmuring and disputing, because holding it in will eventually explode in an unhealthy way.