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Fathers Day: Everyday

Colossians 3:21 Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

As the magnificent day known as Father’s Day approaches, it was a honor to incorporate a Daddy theme in this installment. Actually there are several ways to honor Fathers in both spirituality and sports. The Bible is a living, breathing manual from our heavenly Father on life. Sports will always be a beneficial tool in teaching life lessons. Or is it life lessons transfer to sports (not again--see earlier article)? Fathers are so instrumental in helping to choose a hobby or extracurricular activity for their child. The key to fathers being able to encourage their child is knowing their interests, hopes and dreams. How can you know these vital personality traits of a child? How can you help the child grow? How do you walk the fine line between tough love and too tough? The answer to all these questions are directly related to the total “man hours”. “Man hours” was a term coined by my college buddies, in the late 70’s, to suggest how you accomplish pretty much anything. If you wanted to improve your playing time on the field or court---put in more “man hours”. A nice young lady whom you would like to impress--put in more “man hours”. Want a better grade--put in more “man hours”. It’s very easy to get the definition of “man hours”. If it is important to you spend more “man hours” on the situation. Fathers can establish a wonderful relationship with their children, but they must be willing to put in the “man hours”. Teachers and coaches are also responsible to put in these hours to help with dreams, goals and encouragement. You are the “parentis en loco” or substitute parent.

Every single scripture that teaches fathers of their role, can be enhanced with increased “man hours”. The responsibility to teach a love of God requires spending time with God and your child. The ability to avoid showing favoritism takes time with all your children. Fathers cannot be too indulgent because it stifles a child’s character building. This is particularly troublesome when a father attempts to replace “man hours” with gifts and money. This brings us to the major theme of our scripture, parental discipline. The line between tough love and too tough becomes really fuzzy if your parental discipline style is developed without knowing and spending time your children. Discipline is to correct, mold, strengthen or change behavior. This may or may not include punishment. Until you spend time with your child how can you determine what will be successful or fail. The Bible instructs fathers to be consistent and discipline with wisdom and love. The purpose is to prevent fathers from handing out punishment from an emotional state. Frustration and anger will lead you to do or say something you might regret. Consequently the child only sees your anger and the chance of your point getting across is lost in the moment. Fathers, you have all the power to encourage the correct outcome. You must look at discipline as a teaching moment and not a chance to flaunt the fact that you are the father.

One of the saddest things that a father, teacher or coach can do is discourage a child at the very moment you have the power to encourage. If it becomes a power struggle and you stoop to provocation or the “set-up”, you have given up your power. The “set-up” is a technique used by poor teachers and coaches to provoke a student to go off (become angry). By manipulating the situation they feel more powerful when the fact is they are taking advantage of children. When a father has to use any variation of this type of “discipline”, it only hurts the growth of his child and the growth of his relationship with his child. The power is in the “man hours”. Spend the time to get to know your children. That doesn’t mean relinquish your fatherhood and attempt to be their friend. If friendship develops cool but the purpose is to raise them up in the Lord. This is literally impossible from a distance or with your checkbook. A discouraged child, student, or player will eventually give up. An uplifted and edified child, student or player will never give up. The power is yours.

                                                                                      Fred Tudor

Fred Tudor is a eighteen year employee of the Cincinnati Public Schools as a Health and Physical Education teacher. He has been coaching at the high school level in Greater Cincinnati since graduating from Wittenberg University in 1979. His coaching stints includes stops at his alma mater Walnut Hills High School, Hughes Center High School, and from 1990 until present coaches at Wyoming High School. His church home is Cincinnati Bibleway Church in Madisonville, Apostles James and Grace Blue Pastors.

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